Alien Life Coach

2006-09-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

Next chapter.

Write the next chapter of your life.

The average modern novel has 20 chapters and 375 pages. The average page has 350 words.

Write a chapter about your life. Taking it from right here, right now.

Bye for now,
your servant,

Albert

2006-08-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

What you are experiencing are fluctuations in time. You see time is not linear but rather like branches of a tree. And actually not really like that either, I’m not sure I can explain it in any of the vocabularies of your species. And it’s not really needed. Suffice to say that you are probably remembering how things were in a parallel universe. Associating with me sometimes does that to humans.

I could "make" you do as I say. However your physiology is too fragile to attempt that. If I did you would feel energy currents running up and down your spine, suffer massive weight loss and most likely experience bouts of uncontrollable teleportation.

You don’t realize how your diet of carbohydrates and alcohol are underlying factors in your condition. They don’t cause your symptoms but leave you wide open to maladies of both body and mind.

It works like this: when you ingest copious amounts of sugar it causes the brain to releases serotonins giving you a short lived elevation. The brain tries to regulate that by shutting down some of the stations that produce serotonin. Later, in order to reach the same or just normal levels you are forced to eat more sugar, thus continuing the cycle.

Alcohol does very much the same thing except it affects dopamine.

Both those hormones need to stay balanced. Too little of them and you get depressed, too much and you become manic.

Besides from that the sugar causes release of insulin that remains after the sugar is gone, that causes the crash that makes you lethargic.

So unstabilizing the levels of serotonin and dopamine makes you depressed that leaves the door open for loneliness. Add on top of that the lethargy caused by too much insulin in your bloodstream and you become unproductive or underachieving.

So a change of habits is really the foundation you need for a better life. You must avoid all forms of dead carbohydrates such as sugar and wheat.

Tomorrow you will go shopping, and again only buy fruits (you will be needing lots of fruit glucose to wean yourself off sugar), vegetables, fish, unprocessed meat and eggs.This will take you closer to the diet of your ancestors, which did not experience diseases such as diabetes until they invented agriculture.

Drink more water, have a glass every now and then.

Stop drinking coffee and have herbal tea instead. Don’t drink anything other than those two.

Get in the habit of going to the gym every other day, monday, wednesday and friday.

Meditate in the morning or evening for fifteen minutes or more.

Do this and you will have plenty energy and drive to be productive and you will neither be depressed or lonely.

That’s the plan for you. When school and work starts I’ll give you another plan that takes those into account. But that not to worry about now. For now is only the now.

Albert

2006-08-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hi, am I going crazy or have your emails changed? Also the mails in my outbox seem different. What´s going on?

Besides from that can you sum up what I should do, as you must have noticed if you are really observing me then I´ve been in a slump, procrastinated and living an unhealthy lifestyle. Can´t you make me to behave with your super human abilities or something?

Why am I depressed, lonely and underachieving? Can you really help?

Gibson

2006-08-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

You did well today. Tomorrow you shall basicly repeat last set of instructions.

Do follow the list of what groceries to buy and consume. Firstly it will help in keeping your energy level up, secondly your DNA shows predisposition to diabetis. Sugar, wheat and other types of stripped carbohydrates are poison for you. Don´t worry about fruit glucose though. Also drink more water.

Keep it up, Albert

2006-08-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

I am your friend, but you are right. Perhaps it is overly familiar to address you as "dear" just yet.

You are moving forwards at a slow but steady pace. There have been setbacks but those I expected. Your life has started to improve and will continue to do so.

Tomorrows plan:

When you wake up have a cup of coffee, sit by the computer and continue learning. Don´t go to sleep again.

Work on the site for a while. Then go splash some water on your face, sit down and meditate for fifteen minutes. Then go to the gym and work out a little.

After that continue working on the site.

At noon, go shopping for groceries. Only buy fruit, vegetables, unprocessed meat, fresh fish and/or eggs. Buy only enough to last you untill noon the following day. Also buy more nicotinell and some herbal tea (you are giving up coffee).

Continue in the same manner throughout the day. Sit by your desk and work. Break it up regularily and do some house chores, go for a ride, walk, meditate, have a cup of tea, glass of water, a bite when hungry or anything else.

Be careful not to overwork yourself. When you start loosing focus, take a break. Even if you get enthusiastic and want to press on, know that you only remember well what you read in the first ten minutes or so. After that, the rate of recollection declines rapidly. If you force yourself to continue without a break for an hour, you are forgetting between seventy and ninety-five percent of what you read!

Let´s see how this goes and I´ll give further instructions tomorrow night.

Albert

2006-08-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

First of, could you please stop addressing me as your dear. It bothers me when not coming from family or friends.
Besides from that how am I doing?
And what is the plan?

Gibson

2006-08-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Gibson

Now it is time to introduce meditation. Your appartments location is ideal for that practice, being a bit out of the traffic and with the ocean at your doorstep. So, to practice meditation, sit comfortably in your chair with a straight back. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Imagine that your breath is an ocean wave falling in and out. When other thoughts enter your mind, think: "I wonder what the next thought is going to be", then wait for it and repeat when it arrives. In time you will be able to spend more time in between thoughts, that is to say with an empty mind.
There is plenty of material out there on meditation, Zen, Yoga and more but you don´t have to learn any of that untill you are interested. Practice the method above and in time you will get interested.

Albert

2006-08-09T05:33:00.001-07:00

Good to see you back on track.
Like a writer, the web developers working life is spent mostly sitting alone by his desk and picking on his keybord. So get familiar with it. Use every oppurtunity to sit down and do some webmastering. Take breaks every now and then, walk around, do the dishes and other chores. Eventually you will start forgetting taking breaks, thats when you are really getting into it.

When you feel your brain is really tired go for a ride, stretch when you come back, shower and sit down by the desk again. Repeat this cycle as often as you like but allways begin by sitting down.

1) Develope web
2) Ride
3) Stretch
4) Shower

Soon we will add meditation and breathing excersise to the routine. More on that later.

You are doing great!

Albert

2006-08-08T12:59:00.000-07:00

Good!
Now, open your e-mail and read your mom´s reply. Go to Yahoo! Domains and buy the domain name she selected.

Yahoo! Domains --> domains.yahoo.com

Albert

2006-08-08T02:35:00.000-07:00

Excellent!
You managed to get three out of the four books. The last one was published only recently so it is a bit harder to find. Go tomorrow to the bookstore where you bought your schoolbooks last year, it will be there or arrive shortly after you.

Now do three things:

1) Spread the books around your appartment. Put one by your bed, one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom. When you get the fourth one put it next to the TV remote.

2) E-mail your mother and tell her that for her birthday next month you are going to make her a website to use in her teaching. Ask her to select the domain name for her site.

Chao, Albert

2006-08-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Gibson.

After analysing your character and quirks, dreams during night and day, already existing experience and interests, plus your past lives and genetic makeup. I´ve decided that you will become a web developer.
It´s a creative, independent, newly emerged (on this planet) type of occupation, that allows for a lot of personal freedom. Basicly a web developer is someone who creates and manages websites for a living.
It is also an ideal way for you to realize your childhood dreams of travelling the world. A web developer can, with right preparations, work from anywhere on this plane (and neighbouring planets but I won´t get into that, at least not now). And if you do, like I´m going to suggest, work on travel related websites you will not only have the means to support your travels but also a good reason.

Tomorrow, buy following books:

HTML 4 For Dummies
CSS Web Design For Dummies
PHP, Apache, MySQL Web Development
Drupal : Creating Blogs, Forums, Portals,
and Community Websites

I´ll be in touch after and tell you what to do next.

Albert

2006-08-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Good man!
Now you have quit smoking. You are still addicted to nicotine, but the new method of entering it into your system is superior to using smoke as vehicle. It has both far less toxic chemicals (only one, nicotine) and if nothing else it will give your lungbladders some rest. And it wont even be at the expense of your mouth and throat tissues. Its not like they were without toxins before.

Albert

2006-08-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Gibson,

I already know your questions and what you "want" for I have been monitoring your dreams.
Allow me to introduce myself, I am Albert. I will tell you what to do and continue to do so for the rest of your life. You do not have to reply to my suggestions, I will be following your progress from orbit and make adjustments to our strategy accordingly. If you do not for any reason follow my advice, you do not have to explain, argue or appologize. I will figure out why and adjust.
I´m not saying you should not contact me, feel free to do so as often as you wish. Anytime and about anything.

Here is your first mission:
1) Go tomorrow and buy Nicotinell.
2) Throw away the rest of your cigarettes.
3) Study the information here --> Methods of Smoking Cessation
and quit smoking.

I´ll be in touch, Albert

2006-08-05T06:04:00.000-07:00

Allright then Henry, although I would prefer to get the money back sooner Ill wait ... And please excuse my outburst earlier. Its not that I dont believe you reallly, I do ... in a strange way I just know you are for real ... its just that I, actually dont know what to write, suddenly a strange feeling has come over me.
Anyway, now I remember. In one of your earlier letter, somebody said that the evaluation period was needed to give me the best answers. You havent asked me any questions, when will that phase begin? When do I get to tell you why I need a life coach. What I would like to get out of this whole deal. I´m just confused and understand how this is supposed to work.

Sincerely, Gibson

2006-08-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

What made you draw the conclusion that our company and our services were a practical joke? I assure you that we are absolutly genuine and our claim, increadible as it may be, to provide the service of extra terrestrials in the capacity of life coaches or personal councellors, is true.

As is stated in our terms of service we do offer a 90 day, no questions asked refund if you are not satisfied.

The ten day evaluation period is clearly mentioned in the terms of service, this is an important phase where your coach gets in tune with your person. I have already assigned you to one of our best coaches. Usually each coach handles many clients. This is possible because of advanced multi level concience. However, because our records show your ancestors have come in contact with the aliens before, the alien life coach in question will handle your case exclusively. This will both shorten the evaluation period and ensure your success in life.

Most respectfully,

Henry Xiau,
president of Alien Life Coach incorporated.

2006-08-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Im cancelling my purchase. You said nothing about the ten day waiting period in the introduction. Also I thought this alien nonsense was your clever way of marketing yourself but now I reallise your site is a practical joke. I suppose you never dreamed anyone would sign up, I shure would not have if I had not been drunk and my eyes must have been very blurry and I miscounted the number of zeros in your price. Any ways, there is a universal three day grace period to cancel any purchase I believe. I would like to excersise that right now and ask for a refund.

Gibson

2006-08-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gibson

Thank you for your purchase of The Alien Life Coach Package. This is a lifetime package and you will never be charged again. Please note that by lifetime we mean yours, not the aliens. This service can not be passed to others via a Last Will and Testemony. We do however offer discount rates for direct decendants of our clients.
You will recieve the first communication within the next ten days. Please be patient and bear in mind that this period is needed to fully evalute your unique postion and to find the best answers.

Respectfully, ALC

2006-08-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Dear mr. Gibson

There is no limit to the number of email-sessions. Your personal coach will be a genuine extra terrestrial that has been around earth for a long time and has among other things graduated from several universities, disguised as various humans of course. The blood sample is needed for an in depth genetic analysis of your body. Based on that, and other factors, will the advices from your coach be based.

Respectfully, ALC

2006-08-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

Hello I visited your website and Im interested in your program. Can you give me a few more details, such as: How many email-sessions with my personal coach are included in the package, what are the personal coaches qualifications and what do you need the bloodsample for?

Best regards, Gibson